The Onion

NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams
Former Cult Leader Reveals How He Escaped Needy Followers
Report: You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day
Report: You Could Just Lose An Arm One Day
Worst Things You Can Say To A Bartender On St. Patrick's Day
Local Teenager Makes Incredible Discovery
CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates
CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates
Local Teen Invents Masturbation | Onion News Network
Local Teen Invents Masturbation | Onion News Network
World’s Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100
Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident
Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole
Immigrant Criticizes Swimsuit Competition Portion Of U.S. Citizenship Test
GOP Congressman Pleads To Be Reassigned To New District After Feelings Really Hurt At Town Hall